Bod Busters identify rodent problem See story including latest bulletin added Aug. 11!

Bulletin: Secret combat research detected at Oregon flying field

Top secret intelligence reports hint
at resurgence of dreaded combat teams

This unidentified flying object was photographed over the Eugene, Ore., Airport control-line combat circle with the Flying Lines long-distance spy camera with ultra-fast shutter speeds of 1/10,000 of a second still unable to prevent blur from the fast-moving object. No details are available, but on-the-ground reports suggest it was an airplane of Eastern European origin powered by some sort of as-yet-unindentifed "super-Nelson" prototype. Flying Lines undercover unit photo.

Attack units reported converging on Snohomish, Wash.
Bladder Grabber contest seen as end of Bod Buster domination


"Enough is enough. I am just sick and tired of the Broadway Bod Busters. Those guys think they know combat? They wouldn't know a kill from a bag of VooDoo parts. They are finished. The Bod Busters are history. Northwest fast combat is back, and there ain't no place in it for any Bod Busters. Wanna see? Just be in Snohomish on the Ides of August. You'll find out all you ever need to know about fast combat. Only you're going to have to think of a new word for it, because 'fast' just won't say it."

With that, the shadowy figure stalked out of the secret Northwest Combat Summit, leaving the British Columbia and Oregon members of the secret cabal momentarily speechless. The room full of the world's top, and yet unknown, combat warriors (meeting at a location that can't be reported here because all were transported blindfolded and handcuffed to prevent disclosure of the site), was in awe. The man -- nobody caught his name -- had stated it exactly. For months, the powerful alliance had been building toward this moment.

Yes, folks, it's true. They were committed. It would be a two-pronged pincer attack on the Bod Busters, emanating simultaneously from B.C. and from Oregon, converging and exploding onto the U.S. fast combat scene in Snohomish, Wash., on Bladder Grabber weekend of 2008.

Once the decision was made, the cloak of secrecy began to lift slowly, and details emerged. Finally, the man known as "Combat Maniac," also "The Alien," a former Bladder Grabber champion, issued a statement:

The Dreaded Canadian Contingent flies again

Our combat spies have detected a strange disruption in the combat force...something unusually strong and sinister. It emanates from several secret laboratories, some in B.C. in the Vancouver area, and another back east on the campus of a small, obscure technical college, MIT. The stirrings of this diabolical secretive clan have already caused apprehension in the world's combat community. Could it be THEM?? For the past 11 years relative peace has flowed through the scenic Snohomish combat valley, but there has always been a fear that THEY would return to wreak havoc and destruction using their fiendish tactics and devillish weapons. The Wraiths heralding THEIR return have been seen in covert locations...secretive practice fields, leaving nothing but strange circles on the earth.

"Wicked" Wornell, "Demon" Davis, "Mad" Murray, "Menacing" Mel, "Calculating" Crozier, "Killer" Chris Cox, "Lucky" Larry Bell, "Rabid" Russ Popel.....all Contingent members, all salivating for more kills! The latent cravings can no longer be contained. Pit-Bull tenacity and hyperspeed technology have unleashed the formidable power of the "Dreaded Canadian Contingent." Using Davis-reworked Nelsons and Foras, 90%carbon/kevlar planes, Italian boron fiber props, 65% nitro and airspeeds in excess of 165 mph, their lust for all out FAST combat must be satiated in a fiendish frenzy of cuts, kills and mid-airs.

The combat population has been warned!

Meanwhile, in Oregon, even darker forces appeared to be at work. No spokesman for the group of clandestine combat scientists could be located, but facts began to trickle out into the combat grapevine in bits and pieces. Flying Lines' team of investigative reporters was able to piece together this summary:

The movement is reportedly led by the once-feared combat guerrilla leader, Gene "Five-Second Kill" Pape, whose world-renowned combat airframe design laboratory has been in secret operation during the 20 years of his exile from the sport. Few specifics are available, but words such as "Dogfighter," "Baracuda," and, most dauntingly, "Millenium Underdog" have been heard muttered by lab workers in unguarded moments. Pape is reported to have attracted a following of eager acolytes including John "I don't know what happened but I've got your string in my leading edge" Thompson (also known by some of his combat victims simply as "the Undertaker"), Mike "I never fly combat but how hard can it be?" Hazel, and the quiet but deadly Gary "T-Bone" Harris. The group is drawn from a small inner core of an elite tangle-cut-midair-kill unit known in the 1980s as the Beaver State Combat Team, often seen clad in state of Oregon colors of blue and yellow.

FL investigators have been trying to ferret out further details of the Oregon combat cell, but little information is available. "All I can tell you is that trucks have been making regular stops at an unremarkable suburban residence in the Eugene area, delivering loads of styrofoam, boxes marked "shutoff" with the H&R brand name, small packages accompanied by security guards with the name "Nelson" on the back, and numerous other materials that could be associated with the construction of combat flying equipment," stated one operative in his report to the FL investigative chief.

One incident witnessed by a spy using long-distance video and sound spy technology was revealing. A man who appeared, based on computer-aging techniques, to resemble "Five-Second-Kill" Pape, was seen going through a box of Nelson combat engines. "Too slow," he said, tossing one into a Dumpster. "Not fast enough," he said, flinging another into the weeds. "Is this the best you can do?" he said, flinging another at a lab-coated assistant. "OK, maybe this one has potential," he said, setting one carefully on a cart marked "Experimental." Then, he rose, strode over to a stack of what appeared to be recently tested, brand-new combat planes, mounted the pile and stomped all of them to bits. "I'm going to design a plane I can fly combat with," the guerrilla leader said, and disappeared into the laboratory.

We will report further details as they become available.

BULLETIN: Intensive combat research detected at Oregon flying field

This just in! Flying Lines' long-distance spy cameras picked up suspicious activity at a remote Oregon control-line flying facility. Analysts have reached a tentative consensus that the scientists involved are members of the shadowy Beaver State Combat Team, apparently preparing for the Bladder Grabber fast combat tournament. The photo above is believed to be the first confirmed photograph of the exotic Millennium Underdog.

Apparently having become suspicious of being observed from a distance, the BSCT scientists attempted a ruse: launching a vintage aircaft determined by anaysts to be 24-year-old Undertaker, powered by a Fox Combat Special MkVI. The series of115-mph flights was clearly meant to divert attention from the secret Nelson/Millennium Underdog project.

Sheilding the research subject from view, BSCT scientists prepare the aircraft, believed to have been transported to Eugene directly from develoment facilities in Roswell, N.M.'s Area 51, for a test launching.

High-speed stop-motion action just managed to capture the blast-off.

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This page was upated Aug. 11, 2008